Latvian Adventure

So I am counting down the days until I arrive in Riga, Latvia,  to investigate Rigvir viral therapy. My faith in chemo this time around is dwindling and I need a shaft of gallant light to shine on a chemical free option. The light in question is glistening in the Baltics, beckoning me like a chalice of magic to come and try....it could end up like a chalice offered by the 'cure all' circus fellows promising an elixir of endless life, but at the very least, a distraction from my current concerns.

I am currently wrapping myself in a blanket absorbing all comforts before I rejuvenate my being into some kind of positive action, directed and defiant against cancer. I seem to be letting the blighter win at the moment, my energy levels sunk into an abyss of nonchalance and minor despair.

A friend from my breast cancer group has just run 5k and got a certificate. I thought to myself, I should be doing this, I should be stepping up and pushing myself, a couple of years ago I completed a 10k run and wanted to go on to do the half marathon but got side tracked with uni and immersing myself in study.

I want to pick up that baton though, instead of staring at it from a distance.(of around 10k)

 I also saw a Macmillan Nepal trek advertised, which really peaked my senses. I am not sure I could raise £4000 to go and do it though and if I did there is no guarantees I would be well enough this time next year...but I yearn for adventure, to be up a mountain, trekking for a purpose. Last time I was in Nepal it was 1997, but I found it a magical place, of fresh mountain air and spirituality, friendly faces at every turn (apart from when I saw an old woman kicking a puppy against the wall of a temple, I sank down in my air conditioned bus seat and zipped my fleece up to the eyes, pretending I hadn't seen it). People though, were raw and real, mostly smiling, welcoming, humble.

The experience I remember very vividly was seeing the living goddess Kumari in Durbar square Kathmandu. A child....taken from her parents at around 3 years old she is thrust into life as a living deity, as the incarnation of Taleju, (although I thought it was the incarnation of Lakshmi, but wikipedia begs to differ). Her feet not allowed to touch the ground as she is carried everywhere on a sedan chair. As I looked at the this goddess through an ornately carved window in durbar square, her eyes heavily made up, she glanced out at her adoring sentients. A sadness almost in her eye's, she is but a child, only allowed to play with certain caste members of her age. Her elevation to deity, coming at a price, as when her period comes, the goddess incarnate is said to leave her body and she then is ejected back into society.....shunned as an EX goddess, anyone that marries her is said to be cursed and doomed, therefore a solitary celibate life for the ex goddess.

My friend and I debated heavily on the humanitarian aspect of this child deity. My deeply rose coloured  spiritual spectacles remained dedicated to the holiness of the goddess for those that worshipped her and the whole cultural meaning, but on reflection the unimaginable magnitude and impact on this little childs life, both an honour and a curse in equal measure.



No Nepal for me right now, but instead I look forward to Latvia, a little adventure encased in a nugget of hope. Hope that maybe I can start to think of treks again, half marathons and the like......

Letting go of 'The Fear'

So the last couple of days have been interesting. I have defined this secondary breast cancer journey, like most people in my position as a roller coaster for want of a better analogy (as I think that one is possibly over used). Sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of death, not as in my symptoms but in my state of mind, the not knowing when or how it will happen but knowing that it will be sooner rather than later, perhaps it is a gift to be embraced, the 'knowing' bit, the 'knowing' can alternate between extreme fearlessness and excitement about the fact my subconscious is letting me pursue my every whim and desire, without any restrictive containment of 'lots of time', and extreme despair of how I cannot control the progression of the cancer or the ability to stay on this planet for my daughter to watch her grow up and all that, that entails. When I visit my oncologist like I did the other day, she manages to inject me with some much needed fearlessness and hope again, it hasn't gone to my bones, although my joints look abit inflammed and some little thing on my jaw but they are sure it is nothing, I avoid letting myself create images of some a jaw cancer ravaging my face. She also confirmed that there are some other treatments in the arsenal and that on the vast spectrum of death by secondary breast cancer, I am still teetering at the early stages of that spectrum, but I know this can change on a sixpence as it were. This injects me with the permission I need to get 'experiencing' and reconnecting with people again with what appears to be no boundaries. I am not even afraid to approach celebrities to try and raise the awareness of secondary breast cancer, to try and fund some much needed research as breast cancer funds get lost and only a tiny percent. I think even 7% of funds go to secondary breast cancer...this is quite simply not good enough, it is the final curtain in the breast cancer world and yet it gets the least funding? It is hard not to dwell on the big pharma conspiracy theory as nothing else seems to explain why the funding and the research is not resulting in any 'cures' just 'treatments....that prolong your life....but you will need these chemical treatments to live'.....I also find myself wanting to get back to nature as much as I can as if it has some kind of answer for me, like I am reconnecting with some kind of life force in preparation for what lies ahead , or to try and live as hard as possible. I have booked myself into a fire yule ceremony on the 23rd of December, with lots of other earth seekers. I am looking forward to it.....some real earth connection stuff maaaan.

Holding back the red mist

I am trying my best to be a kind human being. I think I am mourning my old life to be honest and I find myself taking it out on innocent people, old friends. Some of which just do not know how to communicate with me. I contacted an old friend recently on Facebook who would always open her heart to me and we would have honest chats. I began to talk about my health and concerns for the future and she just didn't reply...infact she deleted her profile on facebook so that I couldn't contact her. I spoke to another old friend on the phone who had phoned me, a mutual friend was in the UK. Never once did they ask how I was, what my health was doing at the moment, despite the fact they know I am ill. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt, and I am sure I am just as bad at keeping in contact and asking about others, perhaps I am being too self centred, but I feel like I am allowed to have a bit of a free reign regarding wallowing in my own self pity right now. I am lucky I have new friends and wholesome honest people in my life and some strong old friends who still manage to put up with me and treat me like a normal human being not some kind of time bomb waiting to go off in their faces.

Some women I know have even been diagnosed with breast cancer in the past and know that I have breast cancer but they have not once contacted me to see how I am or to offer their experience, when they were having a tough time I dropped cards to their house all those years ago. I guess I am just not 'required' in their life, or do not frequent the correct social circles, attended the right school or class system (yes it does exist I see evidence of it everyday), I guess we all have those that we are drawn to but still it still leaves a bitter taste. I told the old friend I was on the phone to that we should really meet soon, they could have met me that night if they wanted to but they just agreed and said they were heading in to town at that point in time to see the same old faces they always see, they know what I am getting at, but, their life is either too busy or they just don't know what to do or say.  I have chatted to some ladies on the secondary breast cancer forum and it seems it is sadly so common for us, infact it has been a very busy thread!!, people shun us, whether intentional or not, I just don't get it! it doesn't compute with me, I find I want to help and talk to total strangers when I meet them and they tell me their problem or diagnosis, I wouldn't dream of running a mile. Speaking to others about it certainly helps me realise it isn't just me and it is a phenomena, however it also shows me how I could have made more of an effort with some people in the past and perhaps that is why they have chosen not to get 'involved' with my current health or listen to me whining on now, perhaps they think that boat sailed years ago when I had my chance.....I think I am just thinking too much. So many components to the experience of cancer I guess I just have to cut off those little bothersome attachments to what I think should happen and just accept my current path and those lovely people who are with me on it and offer genuine love and support as well as those yet to come into my life. I am lucky to have those people with me on this journey and that is the main thing and I am genuinely thankful for that....

The Terrors

I realise family members read this and I am sorry if my honesty is abit much sometimes, but that is me I guess!!!

I think the most awful thing about Secondary Breast Cancer is the slow unknown progress of every little pain, as cancer moves it's way through your body. Sometimes it is just me being completely paranoid, but other times I know, that it is the cancer making me feel this or that. Little jabs in my liver, little pains in my neck, little shots in my abdomen.

 I know there are people far worse off than myself but right now I am having a bit of a self absorbed pity party. 

My latest CT result showed rapid progression on my liver having not had treatment for months and it has now spread to the peritoneum which is the fatty draping that covers your intestines and colon like a curtain. Also there is trace in Left nodes on lymph gland which hasn't been mentioned before....I have started Capectabine an oral chemo therapy, but am on an extended break due to a heavy cold. Back on it Wednesday after a bone scan Tuesday to look at why I am getting pain in my neck. I have an overwhelming sense of doom but I am trying to maintain some kind of hope. I am looking at flying out to Latvia with my mother and brother to look at virotherapy very soon while I am well. 

My oncologist seems to suggest if Cape works though it will work on all the cancer so YIPEEE but.....if it doesn't work there are options, but the options are far less ( according to a very bleak registrar we had the misfortune of talking to). A friend from my Cancer group talked about a new hormone therapy called fulvestrant (faslodex) that we can go on but will cost us £680 per month!!!!!! So this is what is happening to the NHS bit by bit this government is privatizing our health care system under our very noses, if you voted conservative you should be ashamed of yourself!! it is people with cancer that will suffer the most. We need to campaign against this it is so wrong, and while some of you may be fortunate enough not to be effected by cancer, there is a high chance you will be in the future either directly or indirectly so you need to consider this regarding supporting the NHS through your political voting and raising awareness.

 I am not looking forward to approaching my oncologist with my proposal of virotherapy, it is going to be tough to get their support and I may have to implement a legal waiver but they may well not treat me if I go abroad, I have faith that i can get them on board though, one way or another. Rigvir is a very safe therapy. They just don't know anything about it!! which to be honest surprises me, when I worked in education I was constantly looking at different countries and the way they do things regarding the education of children. I would of thought as a healthcare professional you would be interested in abroad too, to compare and learn perhaps? ( I am being very arrogant and presumptious, I am sure they do) My Macmillan nurse did not know what I was talking about at all, but she claims to have a vast kitbag of science based knowledge to draw on and works closely with the profs at The Marsden, but only finds out about bad outcomes regarding treatment abroad. The whole healthcare industry is led by very bias research that mostly comes from pharmaceutical companies peddling their toxic wares. 

I am on the highest dose of Capecitabine and will keep going until the side effects become so bad that I will need to lower the dose...sounds great doesn't it? Side effects include the possibility of the skin on my hands and feet coming off and cracking open, it started to happen at the end of my first dose of treatment, it was sore to walk....This is the reality of cancer, toxic toxic toxic kill it with toxicity...until you can't take it anymore....this hasn't changed for over 30 years....that can't be right can it?

My plan is to have a consultation in Latvia and then if I go ahead, I will crowdfund for the treatment costs, which could run into the thousands. My kind friend has set up a crowd fund page for me and it is ready to roll out when necessary, i just hope I can raise the funds...

Anyway mean while real life chores continue ...I have to tidy the house after a 'pink' cake sale yesterday, bulging charity boxes need counting, which is so nice and makes me feel very humble and grateful, there is glitter everywhere....but it makes me smile as it is my daughter that has sprinkled it around the place...my daughter....constantly on my mind and about to get a diagnosis for an ASD finally after years and years of fighting for it, but finally in time for secondary school, she will go armed with it to support her through 'those' years, which can be difficult for neuro typical people let alone those with an ASD....I could rant on here for hours but I must go and be productive, thank you for listening interweb xxxx

Inspirational people

I can say with all sincerity that mindfulness and buddhism has had such an influence on my well being and my desire to share a life of love and compassion and it has perpetuated into a ball, like a giant snowball, descending and gathering speed getting bigger and bigger, I have picked up people like snowflakes, that have stayed with me and have guided me into fulfilling directions.

This phenomena (my word of the moment), continues all the time I 'let go' and don't over think situations and just be guided by what feels right and surrounding myself with those that feel like they belong with me on that journey.

Since my diagnosis, I have let go of all expectations of my future and have just followed like a meandering stream, where my heart takes me.

By doing this I have come across some beautiful people, it's almost like in the 'Matrix' when Keanu Reeves suddenly realises that everything in the world is Binary code. (well it's not quite like that but I am feeling full of mataphors this evening)!!

It's like everything has a message for me, to follow where my heart takes me and that is what Cancer has done for me. I am sure it has been said before by various people (cancer whisperer springs to mind and others) but Cancer has in effect enlightened me.

The amount of supplements that I am taking and turmeric and drinking water I have slowly come off of my anti depressants and am now 'freestyling' and I feel so on top of things and so energized and empowered. I now have a gentleman who is very interested in me (which seems like a miracle given my diagnosis) and I have 'actual' people who are interested in my business concept and ethos and want more of my products and want me to do talks and workshops, it is my passion and my passion is spreading and the people I have met are supporting me and want to help spread the word. I can't tell you how rewarding that is, to think that people want to learn about making their own environmentally friendly skincare, and who want to buy more of my products and who actually think they are great. I have to really sit down and make the most of this situation and focus on how this could work and perhaps as a collective we could make a difference to the skincare industry, and the environmental impact of packaging. Exciting times.

However, this morning I was a mess, I went to look for secondary schools for my daughter and I became emotional, the fear of not seeing her grow up is immense....but then this afternoon the smallest of deeds, an act of kindness from one of my customers turns my cancer filled world around and shows me a much bigger picture.

OM to that I say xxxxx

Let the good times roll

So today is the day I pick up the drugs, the chemical drenching to throw down my gullet with gay abandon. I have made a strong eczema cream using colloidal silver and liquorice root. It is poised ready to prevent my hands and feet from getting sore and cracking due to the capecitabine. I also sent the very difficult email to my university acknowledging that I will not be returning to finish my degree. A small reminder of a life I was going to lead, the excitement of studying and working towards an interesting new career deleted like an old document.

From the ashes I focus on a business idea for earth and body friendly skincare and trying to save the planet lol!!

Also when you have a diagnosis such as mine you also have to navigate how those around you deal with it (I have to be careful what I say here as my mum reads this!! Lol) my father decided it was not suitable for me to go on a date as it would 'compound my problems' ......aka 'i want to wrap you in cotton wool' I told him I am 42 and not 70 and that just because I have cancer it doesn't mean I have to stare at the same 4 walls until I slip off this mortal coil.

You have to grab and squeeze every last drop of fun and happiness out of life and some people find that hard. Cancer has a big reputation for projecting images of gaunt bald people waiting to die. Inside those images are people, souls, beings, humans who want to live and who have strong wishes to live harder and stronger than those sentient beings walking in blissful ignorance of when their particular number is up. They want to put on Anna Matronic at midnight and dance around the kitchen sometimes, they want to buy a bell tent and convert a van into a camper so that they can run to the sun for holidays and festivals where more disco dancing may actually happen. To share happy memories of adventure with their daughter or whoever else wants to be part of those. You cannot put them into a box and label it 'cancer' and put it on a sterile shelf with dusty photo's of a previous life. It's a new life with no shelf in sight. There will be a time where the gaunt image appears but that is what it is, an image,  inside the disco will be playing and the sun will still be shining brightly.

Here we are again.

So Plasma Match didn't happen....apparently I have none of the DNA required for the trial, which I guess as my friend says, has got to be a good thing. So immunotherapy is also out of the question for now. As the risk of my body destroying itself is too high apparently....GREAT! So chemo it is...... Reluctantly I will be taking an oral chemical drench for 3 weeks then a week off for as long as possible. I am hoping that a miracle happens so that I can come of it be be drenched in apple juice or something instead that will rid me of this disease. It has made me feel low and yes it is a kick in the.....teeth. I now need to focus on my daughter, and memories and passing on as much as I can to her of my guidance for later years. Choosing secondary school has become a cold pragmatic decision. Of course the one nearest her father has an outstanding OFSTED report and the reality is, it is near her father and we all know what that is doing in my head. It is reality check city round here. I have to face it, as a family we have to face it, we have to be practical. I am not going to stop fighting though, that is the last thing on my list to do......so what is the most sensible thing for a girl in my position to do?.......go on a date of course!!

Gold, always believe....

Since my last post I have pretty much been around the globe with my quest for immunotherapy, culminating in a clinic in Germany for Dendritic Cell Therapy. I have also been accepted onto a trial for DNA Plasma Match at the Royal Marsden but have a week left to find out whether my cancer has the DNA that can be treated in the trial through a blood test taken last week. I also had an MRI on my head, which I asked for, today I found out that the cancer has not spread to my brain and is essentially contained in my liver, I also found out that Germany won't risk carrying out Dendritic Cell Therapy due to my bone marrow transplant as a child. This upset me as it rules out immunotherapy for me as the risk of my body rejecting itself because of the super infused marvel comic hero immune system could end up destroying my own body.

Everyday I watch my beautiful daughter and try not to think too much.

The positive I saw today in my thoughts was that I believe so much in turmeric......the gold root......shimmering like a deity in a kg bag in my cupboard constantly being simmered with coconut oil and pepper to form the little golden nuggets I consume everyday. You may think/ say....but your cancer has come back on your liver ? you have cancer!! It has not gone away. It is just on my liver, it is nowhere `else, I believe turmeric has helped to prevent metastasis. It could be it will spread eventually, but will that be after chemo? or will it be because turmeric doesn't do anything? I do believe in the golden root, I believe it is helping me and I would urge you to take this spice as soon as possible cooked with fat and pepper in what ever way you want as a preventative measure to prevent the inflammation and mutation of cells that can become cancer. I think it does do something very much indeed I hope some indepth research will take place on this I think it would be fascinating.

If Only.....

I was obsessed with Wonder Woman as a  4/5 year old child, so much so I walked around in red wellies, blue pants (with cardboard gold stars on) and a red vest. A fantastic outfit my mum had cobbled together, she even made me a gold cardboard headband, I stomped about in my wonder woman garb like nothing could defeat me. ( first child syndrome possibly or something :)

I really want to see the new Wonder Woman film to see whether the film has the same magic Lynda Carter had for me. It is great to know it was directed by a woman.

Trouble is as you get older you realise that some things even Lynda Carter can't sort out, I am desperately trying to channel her, polishing my wristbands, practicing my lassoo etc.....

We are all born with this assumption we will live forever, it is strange but necessary, even with a rational mind your very being is programmed to assume you are going to live no matter what.

I am so scared about having chemo, daily until it stops working, it just doesn't sound right, I have been looking at going abroad, at different scenarios, trials everything to avoid the conveyor belt of chemo that is prescribed until the cancer mutates so much there is no more chemicals left to fight it. I have managed to get on a trial at the royal marsden but I have a 10% chance of having the correct mutations in my cancer for it to be treated with new therapies, meanwhile i am not being treated with anything except a list of natural supplements I have managed to draw out of my Lynda Carter style velvet kitbag  such as turmeric, oxygen based cellfood drops various oils etc etc broccoli sprouts etc etc ..... The hospital offered to get me on Capecitabine but if I am going down the trial road I cant start that and it's not something you come off of once you are on so you cant try alternatives.....

I am looking at starting some oxygen therapy soon to try and help myself before I go to the Marsden.

All the time I hear the distant sound of a clock ticking and I swear I can feel every little ache and pain thinking, there it is,  growing again ( in my not so rational mind).

I am sitting here watching 'Spider Man' with all those seventies and eighties memories thinking why can't I have some super powers please, I would be really good and use them for some really good stuff as well as help my daughter grow up....as long as it would get rid of this unacceptable mutation of my own cells, which quite frankly are not quite the superhero type of mutations I once dreamt of....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx2JdJhAL94

Getting back in the saddle

Had my meeting with the Macmillan Nurse on behalf of my oncologist who is on holiday to discuss my CT Results and moving forward. I was as you can imagine emotional and also angry, not a great combination for me really or those in my path...........I should have had a scan in May....I had told her I was in pain specifically in my liver, but at the time she was more concerned with my ability to cope mentally and wasn't interested in my pain. This has obviously caused her abit of pain now as I am reminding her of this and the fact I have had alot of treatment in the past (again) and that I had full body radiation (again) and that my body and my cells are all abit mutated as it is, hence why I didn't like the idea of chemo as my belief is that it will make my cancer more aggressive.....which I would argue it has, it has been less than a year since I finished my last chemo and it is back where I had the RFA and there are new lesions. The nurse seems to think this is not aggressive. Anyway there was lots of arse covering then we managed to calm down and move forward. I told her I was looking at Latvia and immediately horror stories were reeled out people dying in Germany....etc etc, I also enquired about what I now know to be PLASMA MATCH trial. http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2016/10/21/the-perfect-match-making-breast-cancer-treatment-more-personal/.

So I have been put forward for this as in her words she claimed 'I have to win back your trust' I had told her I don't want chemo I want targeted therapies. So the plan now........Plasma match trial ...get on it at the Marsden......then if that fails, crowd fund myself to go to the states for the latest immuno therapy course in California.

Weirdly I had a fortune teller experience recently that said I would do some travelling ....watch this space.......

Getting back on the increasingly big horse, feeling my strength return and the regime of Turmeric, cellfood, hemp tincture, mistletoe tea, dandelion root and frankincense get reinstated with vigour. Drinking lots of purified water and having faith in the universe once more that I will make the right decisions whether the medical profession in the UK like it or not. I have free reign from my family now, I think they understand as does my macmillan nurse now that I do know my body so spookily well, and i don't have time to mess with long term oral chemo treatments, lets load up the big guns and see this cancer outta town.......

Back so soon!!!!!?

This is the only way i can describe where i am right now. A drift in a blizzard of numb ice. The stupid thing is I knew it wouldn't be long before i was back, back harping on about this blasted cancer again. The last few weeks healthy eating has gone out of the window entirely, even forgot the turmeric on occassions, i was making the most of the calm before the storm, before i have to work hard to be healthy again, concentrate on the supplements and do my best. Yes it is back....the letrozole has stopped working although to be honest i am not sure whether i was checked to see if it ever did!!more lesions on the liver, despite the turmeric. i knew, months ago i have been having pain on my liver I even told them about it, but they didn't check it, not until now, infact my gp gave me medicine for reflux (shakes head in despair)!!. I am to take capecitabine, an oral chemo....i am not happy about it, it makes me wonder whether chemo is making the cancer more aggressive as it has taken very little time for it to grow new lesions since my last treatment. So I am formulating my plan B and researching Rigvir in Latvia as a serious option. I may have to look at crowdfunding myself, but I have a strong belief that my chances would be higher with this treatment. My Onc says 'do you not think we would be using it as oppose to chemo in the UK if it worked' I don't buy this for one moment, NICE,  are funding immuno therapy for triple negative BC but not ER+ secondary, it is a postcode lottery of funds, they dont rely on other countries research only their own which is why we have been stuck in a chemo time warp as they won't fund adequate research. I have seen women go down this drawn out path of chemo ville and it never ends well. Short of asking for a transplant i dont know what choice i have. I am going to ask them to scan my brain too as they haven't done that yet, i am worried about recent headaches......... There I was thinking about dating again.....PA! While i lie in bed with my daughter and my dog at my mums house, my family and my friends are all that matter now and once again my world has become very small, a terrain of cavernous chasms of ice, steep drops and little else....I am gathering strength though, I am not going to give up.

Goodbye Cheryle

I am breaking the radio silence.

I am not posting a  picture.

As this is a moment of emptiness.

A comrade has gone. She has fought as hard as ever I can imagine someone fighting against such odds. She set up a charity in New Zealand for young women with breast cancer. I went to school with her.

She was my first port of call when I was diagnosed. She was supportive and calm and I could talk to her about everything. She was a year below me at school. We got the bus together.

We spoke openly about dying, about loved ones, about school friends a d the fact we reckoned that our school was one big asbestos pit of doom. !!

Farewell Cheryle, you really did give it all you had and more and you gave all you had for others too. A special person I feel humbled to of met.

Life is fucking shit sometimes but you were a one to find the funny side xxx bless you lovely lady xxx

End of Chapter One

Its been a while regarding my post regularity. In that time I have had microwave liver ablation which is where the cancerous bit of your liver gets fried with microwaves. ( my tuomours were small and there were only two which is why I qualified for this fairly new procedure. Too many tumours and your liver becomes swiss cheese which is why it is not open to everyone). I am lucky, although I didn't feel it at the time. The pain post procedure was something else!! I ended up being given morphin and then Ketamin......an experience I do not wish to repeat. i had heard of the 'K hole' that clubbers in the 90's referred to, unfortunatly i had first hand experience of this, and I did not like it one bit, it was a total out of body experience of which you couldn't return from. You had no feeling anywhere and were floating in this abyss, hearing voices in the background, but all you can see is a white light. Dose me up with morphin and valium anyday but please don't give me that stuff again!!!!

I then in the early part of Jan 17 had a bilateral immediate reconstruction skin saving mastectomy, this was fine, and I recovered well. The tumour had not grown since the last measurement in August!!!   I have been taking letrozole which is an oestrogen suppressent as my cancer is oestrogen receptive, I had a hysterectomy in 2012 so am pretty low naturally anyway. I have also been taking my body weight in turmeric, in the reccommended form with fat and black peppper and cooked/ melted into little coffee bean capsules in a silicone mould. I take it with a hot drink, usually fresh lemon and ginger. To melt it again as it goes down.  Anyway, today was the oncologist appt, after a CT I had last week with contrast. The cancer removed from my breast as mentioned was still 6mm, a few cells had spread to the sentinel lymph node which had been removed, but no other traces, the liver now just had scar tissue, from the microwave ablation. The doctor smiled and said, it is the best we could have hoped for. She knows that  many people have been where I have before and the future is just so unknown, she is not going to tell me i am cancer free, although the term is no traces of cancer, she knows it would be foolish as there is no evidence that i am cancer free and only time will tell on that front. But for now I allow myself some prossecco time. It is a journey, I have ladies in my secondary breast cancer group who are facing the end of their lives, the cancer has spread to the menenges on the brain which means a very poor prognosis, so it is hard for me to truly celebrate, at the same time it is a stark reminder that life is so precious and we really do have to make hay while the sun shines, it may be a cliche, but when you are dealt a fateful hand you have to run with it and spread the news. I have no idea whether the letrozole on it's own stopped my cancers growth OR whether it was a combination of the turmeric and letrozole. All I know is my doctor said 'Keep doing what you are doing...just keep doing it' What I would say to you is prevention is the best thing you could do for yourself. Get off the sugar, get on to turmeric, look after yourself. You may think as we all do, that making hay means eating and drinking what you damn well want, well i know that you can change your health, you can and what you put in your body is a big part of that. My physio said that in 3 months I can start running again, my aim is to get onto a 5 k inflatable obstacle course as it sounds like fun!!! My new breast is in better shape than my natural one!!! I felt tears come into my eyes to day as I thanked my oncologist, she works so hard until 8pm some days phoning patients checking and double checking my heart is connected so deeply with the NHS for all they have done for me, the selfless commitment, she knew that my thanks were heartfelt, she has to deal with some really hard days in the office that alot of people just don't understand, the ladies in my breast cancer group, some of which she has to tell they have weeks to live, it is not just a job, it is a commitment, a compassionate commitment that wants nothing more than to do the right thing for very ill people, it is the government that is destroying the lives of all of these people, making it all so hard for them and gives them such guilt when resources run out. Please support the NHS as much as you can and please ................look after yourself NOW don't wait for symptoms.........................