Let the good times roll

So today is the day I pick up the drugs, the chemical drenching to throw down my gullet with gay abandon. I have made a strong eczema cream using colloidal silver and liquorice root. It is poised ready to prevent my hands and feet from getting sore and cracking due to the capecitabine. I also sent the very difficult email to my university acknowledging that I will not be returning to finish my degree. A small reminder of a life I was going to lead, the excitement of studying and working towards an interesting new career deleted like an old document.

From the ashes I focus on a business idea for earth and body friendly skincare and trying to save the planet lol!!

Also when you have a diagnosis such as mine you also have to navigate how those around you deal with it (I have to be careful what I say here as my mum reads this!! Lol) my father decided it was not suitable for me to go on a date as it would 'compound my problems' ......aka 'i want to wrap you in cotton wool' I told him I am 42 and not 70 and that just because I have cancer it doesn't mean I have to stare at the same 4 walls until I slip off this mortal coil.

You have to grab and squeeze every last drop of fun and happiness out of life and some people find that hard. Cancer has a big reputation for projecting images of gaunt bald people waiting to die. Inside those images are people, souls, beings, humans who want to live and who have strong wishes to live harder and stronger than those sentient beings walking in blissful ignorance of when their particular number is up. They want to put on Anna Matronic at midnight and dance around the kitchen sometimes, they want to buy a bell tent and convert a van into a camper so that they can run to the sun for holidays and festivals where more disco dancing may actually happen. To share happy memories of adventure with their daughter or whoever else wants to be part of those. You cannot put them into a box and label it 'cancer' and put it on a sterile shelf with dusty photo's of a previous life. It's a new life with no shelf in sight. There will be a time where the gaunt image appears but that is what it is, an image,  inside the disco will be playing and the sun will still be shining brightly.