Turmeric is where it's at

My hands are bright yellow and stained with freshly grated Turmeric, vegetables are strewn across the kitchen, ginger roots everywhere, apples tower in the fruit bowl, the pears still with their leaves are scattered across the worktop, all these organic morsels are supposedly going to cure cancer or work with my treatment (Paclitaxel) the apples are particularly good for Taxol....(apparently) I have also stumbled across some very bold claims on cancer curing diets here's one http://www.life-saving-naturalcures-and-naturalremedies.com/natural-cancer-cure-tumeric-ginger-cinnamon-MSM-honey.html  

I feel I have become my own project, my brain still in Uni mode and in sheer desperation to hold on to my life with my daughter, but I feel guilt as my obsession in my new found life saving project has taken over and I feel I am not giving my daughter the time she deserves.

So far the treatment I had went ok, I have had no anti-sickness drugs, just steroids. I feel abit tired and if I do lots of stuff I have to sit down for a while, usually cuddled up to P while she plays on minecraft. I am determind to pull myself together though and get outside this weekend and do things and feel normalish albeit with a bald head.....the head shave is on for Saturday....high tea afterwards....I just want to make that leap before the treatment does it for me (*Control Freak Alert*).

I have been overwhelmed since my chemo started at the sheer generosity shown by the local people in the village where I live as well as other friends from all over, I have been finding things on my doorstep, in the post, on the computer screen messages of love and humour and warmth, offers of help. Someone sent me a bracelet and I don't know who it's from!! aarrgh. I am trying to keep up with thankyou cards. It makes me want to cry with gratitude at the wonderful beauty of human beings in times of crisis or hardship, how we want to help each other, be there for people, be a prop, a beacon of hope. Some people choose not to acknowledge, maybe even find it makes them angry perhaps? or turn the other way on the street, I understand that too. I chose to be open about my illness where some keep it private. I am open that is who I am, I maybe quiet, I am not the life and soul of any party, but I am honest, and open with my daughter too. She has talked about nothing else but cancer at school, it has become a big part of both our lives, I am worried that she talks too much about it, or maybe I do? I guess it disappears into the background the more we get used to it? I don't know....

I still find it hard to get my head round where I am with this, I feel ok at the moment I know my immune system has probably gone down and every now and then I get a twinge of nausea. But essentially everything is as it was, I am me as I always am, but I remind myself to really live and do all I can to ensure I can...(this is where the raw turmeric comes in)...I have made a pact to do fun stuff I have booked tickets for a stand up comic in Brighton and am looking forward to some yoga nidre in a couple of weeks. Depending on how the next few weeks go I may promote myself from walker to jogger...I have a feeling that tiredness may become a more intense feature though but I have hope. I am guaging my health on my ability to throw some dance moves in the kitchen, I managed a great routine to earth wind and fire this morning yesterday was 'Uptown funk'  which was truly something to behold, I put my all into it. Funk seems to be doing it for me at the moment. Earth wind and fire resulted in me having to have a little sit down for 10 mins to revive myself though this morning so from 'Uptown Funks' 10 out of 10 I reckon EW and F had gone down to a 7.......on the funk ometer. P and I managed to get down to some folk last night though, which mostly involved jumping up and down.

This is my new normal, my new project, thinking more about what's important, while I miss the constant work of my old life in the final year of studying Education and Wellbeing at the IOE, my priorities have changed, health,family, love and friendships in no particular order (although the health one is sort of on my mind ALOT)....