The Monkey

The tattoo arrived!! I am so happy. It is just what I had hoped for.and I cant wait to get it done, I just have to decide on the colour, it is not going to black as that's not good according to my reliable source.

Sunday I had 'Hot Yoga', when I booked it, I thought to myself, i would enjoy the yoga and more importantly yoga nidra, 1 and half hours of deep meditation (i.e. smothering yourself in a fluffy blanket, fluffy socks a hoody while lying on your yoga mat and being verbally pursuaded by the designated yogi into a deep, deep relaxed state equivalent to 6 hours of restorative sleep) I guess I hadn't focused on the 'Hot Yoga' bit..........It was a bit of a shock..an hour and a half of intense yoga in a room of 40 degrees. Phew...any chemo residing within my weasly frame was wrung out like an overly used flannel, cascading on to the floor before I even had time to reach for my towel. One gentleman, had to leave the room as he just couldn't take it any more. I began to think to myself that perhaps I wasn't being sensible, but I persisted anyway, contorting myself into poses and aligning my chakras, intent on 'doing myself good'. The 'nidra' was most welcome, and was possibly the deepest relaxation I have ever felt, time became an elastic band that stretched to an hour and a half but the band itself felt like a blink of a very weary eye.....I survived anyway and walked like John Wayne back to my car.

The following day I was zapped completely, reflexology was blissful and my muscles were like butter,  Miki was so positive to me and gave me such positive thoughts, she told me that she felt my mind was calm and that I had no energy blocks .....(well no energy whatsoever I think lol) I told her I felt calm, and thanked my beliefs for that, it is a cliche, that in times of serious life situations that our individual faith or belief comes to the fore. It may not be the same for everyone but for me I am a spiritual person, and while I don't believe in a God, I have beliefs, beliefs of the mind and buddhist philosophy as well as nature and scientific research and evidence based knowledge. Some may say you cannot be spiritual and scientific and must always search for facts and believe in nothing else, the fact is my approach works for me, it gives me hope, optimism and a place to go to heal my mind and I am so lucky that people accept that and don't feel the need to criticise what gives me solace in this stage of my life.....

Stage 4......why would you really ?

Today I went for my onc appointment, I completely forgot to ask her about the PIP form and what she thought (benefits) I was too busy telling her about my tattoo...she said she fancies one too and wanted to know more about it. She told me that she thought I was doing well and we will continue as planned up to the MRI and CT scans due end of May, which will be the point at which I will know what has happened to the cancers, whether they are taking me over or they have started to disappear. Everyday, I have either diagnosed myself with the next place it has gone to...... or some other hideous ailment.

Anyway, meanwhile back on the ranch in the village where I live and everyday life...my daughter is ill again, it has been going on since January and I know that her emotional turmoil is manifesting itself and it could well be creating some of her illness, but her temperatures are back and she is so lethargic, her glands are up and today I got a blood test for her to check everything is as it should be. I am worried about her, she struggles with emotions sometimes at the best of times and she holds on to information and analyses it over and over again. So i know from the constant questions she asks how it is constantly on her poor mind, I explain it all the best way I can, we read books but she see's through all of that and wants to cut to the chase, she was fine at the blood test, the worst bit for her was the torniquet she didn't like it restricting her arm.

On our return home the front door had decided not to work, this was after the car also decided not to work, so we sat waited in the car for half an hour to be rescued by my brother and my mums husband breaking into the house....it is the year of the monkey, I have had enough of this particular one, I wish he would go back to where he came from and monkey around in another part of the jungle.....