Round 4....I have come down with my daughters bug before I had even got to the hospital for the fourth round of chemo, throat, tiredness, cough. I had, had a week off. Which was nice, enjoyed drinking lots of real coffee and wine!! (I try to be good while on the chemo...I lay emphasis on the word 'try'!). My legs had started to have that weird heavy feeling that they warn you about with paclitaxel. Tingly feeling in the feet and hands could all be a sign of the onset of neuropathy, a condition that could leave permanent nerve damage so I have to be on guard for symptoms of this, should it happen they will reduce the weekly dose, unless it is really bad in which case they may have to look at other options. 18 more chemos to go......
My oncologist confirmed that after the MRI and CT they will then exaamine whether they feel they can move on to microwave abalation (YAY!!) In a weird masochistic way I am hoping to have the little cancerous so and so burnt out of me with what I imagine to be a life saving magical probe thing, delving into my liver like some kind of superhero, flames at their heels as they nosedive through the damaged tissue. Rather than drenched in more energy zapping chemicals, it is indeed a blunder bus approach but I do of course see the reasoning behind it, mopping up every little tiny so and so hiding in the nooks and cranny's of my being drenching them with poison, and hoping all of the goodies don't suffer while the baddies take a proverbial kicking. I will then look to have the 'Knockers' chopped off and some decent puppies in their place......eventually. It's the liver though that can be a spanner in the works. Thank goodness it is a big hulk of an organ, but I worry that the 'met' (cancer speak for metastatic cancer) is very close to other organs.
This time it got me, I was exhausted, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep. My mum thankfully made us lunch and gave us some food for tea. I won my 'good mummy' points with P at the weekend, visiting farms playing egg hunts in the garden, now it was time for me to crash and burn as far as the mummy of the year award was concerned...... I lay on the sofa and fell into a deep sleep, unable to move from where I was, unable to summon the energy to raise a an eyelid let alone a finger. I looked in the mirror.....time to up the anty on the complexion hiding front, finally my face was taking on the famed 'chemo grey'.....I look shit and feel like it too. The bloods came back and were good my white count good, red cells, good, platlets good, everything came back great. I put it down to the strict intake of copious amounts of vitamin supplements and weird algae stuff. I always take a photo of the blood results on the computer screen, and despite them not mentioning, I always look at the tumour marker result. Last week it was 11 and this week it was 12...I asked them about it. CA 125 is what I need to be looking at so I googled. Obviously I have had a week off and I wondered to myself if this had made any difference, a small increase is not a reliable indicator that the treatment is not working, (apparently...according to google). It sort of hosed on my furnace though, I started to realise I can't control it, despite all the hideous dandelion root tea, the 40 degree 'hot' yoga sessions this one is out of my hands, no meditation and no chakra cleansing, is cutting it. I have a disease that has a mind of it's own, cells of it's own not related to me as I know it. Time to bring on the big guns, The bold claim of cancer curing involving biscarbonate of soda MSM powder, (see side bar of links) manuka honey..I tell you what bicarbonate of soda is all you need for literally anything from cleaning your oven to curing cancer! I have decided I need to buy myself a barrel of the stuff......if only it was that easy......I am not giving up though.....oh no......I will get up everytime, it may take my body but it won't take my mind, it is so important to keep a calm mind throughout this whole process. Easier said than done sometimes. The MRI is drawing ever nearer and here lies the truth of whether taxol is working or not and here I have to place my focus....(still will be looking at tumour marker next week though!!) :)
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