Let the good times roll

So today is the day I pick up the drugs, the chemical drenching to throw down my gullet with gay abandon. I have made a strong eczema cream using colloidal silver and liquorice root. It is poised ready to prevent my hands and feet from getting sore and cracking due to the capecitabine. I also sent the very difficult email to my university acknowledging that I will not be returning to finish my degree. A small reminder of a life I was going to lead, the excitement of studying and working towards an interesting new career deleted like an old document.

From the ashes I focus on a business idea for earth and body friendly skincare and trying to save the planet lol!!

Also when you have a diagnosis such as mine you also have to navigate how those around you deal with it (I have to be careful what I say here as my mum reads this!! Lol) my father decided it was not suitable for me to go on a date as it would 'compound my problems' ......aka 'i want to wrap you in cotton wool' I told him I am 42 and not 70 and that just because I have cancer it doesn't mean I have to stare at the same 4 walls until I slip off this mortal coil.

You have to grab and squeeze every last drop of fun and happiness out of life and some people find that hard. Cancer has a big reputation for projecting images of gaunt bald people waiting to die. Inside those images are people, souls, beings, humans who want to live and who have strong wishes to live harder and stronger than those sentient beings walking in blissful ignorance of when their particular number is up. They want to put on Anna Matronic at midnight and dance around the kitchen sometimes, they want to buy a bell tent and convert a van into a camper so that they can run to the sun for holidays and festivals where more disco dancing may actually happen. To share happy memories of adventure with their daughter or whoever else wants to be part of those. You cannot put them into a box and label it 'cancer' and put it on a sterile shelf with dusty photo's of a previous life. It's a new life with no shelf in sight. There will be a time where the gaunt image appears but that is what it is, an image,  inside the disco will be playing and the sun will still be shining brightly.

Here we are again.

So Plasma Match didn't happen....apparently I have none of the DNA required for the trial, which I guess as my friend says, has got to be a good thing. So immunotherapy is also out of the question for now. As the risk of my body destroying itself is too high apparently....GREAT! So chemo it is...... Reluctantly I will be taking an oral chemical drench for 3 weeks then a week off for as long as possible. I am hoping that a miracle happens so that I can come of it be be drenched in apple juice or something instead that will rid me of this disease. It has made me feel low and yes it is a kick in the.....teeth. I now need to focus on my daughter, and memories and passing on as much as I can to her of my guidance for later years. Choosing secondary school has become a cold pragmatic decision. Of course the one nearest her father has an outstanding OFSTED report and the reality is, it is near her father and we all know what that is doing in my head. It is reality check city round here. I have to face it, as a family we have to face it, we have to be practical. I am not going to stop fighting though, that is the last thing on my list to do......so what is the most sensible thing for a girl in my position to do?.......go on a date of course!!

Gold, always believe....

Since my last post I have pretty much been around the globe with my quest for immunotherapy, culminating in a clinic in Germany for Dendritic Cell Therapy. I have also been accepted onto a trial for DNA Plasma Match at the Royal Marsden but have a week left to find out whether my cancer has the DNA that can be treated in the trial through a blood test taken last week. I also had an MRI on my head, which I asked for, today I found out that the cancer has not spread to my brain and is essentially contained in my liver, I also found out that Germany won't risk carrying out Dendritic Cell Therapy due to my bone marrow transplant as a child. This upset me as it rules out immunotherapy for me as the risk of my body rejecting itself because of the super infused marvel comic hero immune system could end up destroying my own body.

Everyday I watch my beautiful daughter and try not to think too much.

The positive I saw today in my thoughts was that I believe so much in turmeric......the gold root......shimmering like a deity in a kg bag in my cupboard constantly being simmered with coconut oil and pepper to form the little golden nuggets I consume everyday. You may think/ say....but your cancer has come back on your liver ? you have cancer!! It has not gone away. It is just on my liver, it is nowhere `else, I believe turmeric has helped to prevent metastasis. It could be it will spread eventually, but will that be after chemo? or will it be because turmeric doesn't do anything? I do believe in the golden root, I believe it is helping me and I would urge you to take this spice as soon as possible cooked with fat and pepper in what ever way you want as a preventative measure to prevent the inflammation and mutation of cells that can become cancer. I think it does do something very much indeed I hope some indepth research will take place on this I think it would be fascinating.