It's unfair

This post begins at the top of a cliff, lower coastguards cottages, Fairlight. The mist has enveloped the views, the roads the sea, mist has spread it's damp elongated fingers across Sussex,  drawing a veil over the wind swept coastal world. I have come for a holiday with my family, having just been to another Breast Cancer Support meeting. The last one I attended was in May. I met a great lady then, intelligent funny and with the same diagnosis as me. On the same drug, lived near me had same consultant, a few years ahead of me but we chatted away. We also do ear accupuncture together, she always looks so great and well dressed. Last time I saw her was 3 weeks ago. She walked into the meeting today and I hardly recognised her. She could barely walk, she used a walking stick and her face had drooped onseside, One of her eyes was barely open. There were no brightly coloured dresses, no make up, to say it was a shock is a massive understatement. I couldn't take my eyes off of her despite trying, I hope she didn't feel I was staring.

She was the first one on the group to have the onus of  'Where I am now'.... which opens our sessions together it was plain we all wanted to know what had happened to her in such a short space of time, in good humour she let the story of her not being able to put her lipstick on flow, getting her and her husband lost while they were on holiday because she couldn't read maps, little signs that something was not right. She believed she had Bells Palsy or the beginning of it and as she explained how the onc opened their meeting post brain scan her voice started to waiver and the humour left the conversation. Her cancer had spread to the meninges, the tissue that covers the brain and spinal cord. She had literally gone from fine to this in the space of a few weeks. the doctor had given her weeks to live. the humour returned as with a wry smile she said 'i don't know how many weeks ago that was now' . she told us how she had done an orienteering walk in the lakes post diagnosis she said it took all the effort she had to put one foot in front of the other with the help of her daughters and husband but she did it, she kept on going, climbing hills, walking miles she made herself do it, and her family helped her. she told us, she wasn't scared, or afraid of dying, just of the not knowing when it would come.

I sat in this meeting looking at all of these amazing women and the ability to laugh in the face of such adversity, the strength that each and every one of them had. The ability to keep families together and keep on doing, and living as hard as they could. We spoke about bucket lists. What was on each others bucket lists, what did we want to do with ourselves. I am probably not supposed to talk about this in a blog as it is a private space for us, but I think people should know how brave these ladies are, how strong and powerful they are and they keep going and not fall to pieces, to keep humour and honesty alive. I want to visit my friend in the hospice and spend time with her I know it won't be maudlin, I want to help to do something. It is just so unfair, very very unfair, such wonderful inspiring women struck down by this cruel disease. The double edged sword of monthly meetings brings sadness as well as hope. So many peoples lives extinguished by their own mutated cells. What causes this mutations? Well I bet your bottom dollar there are some chemical reasons on this planet the harm we do to our environment the food that we eat....all of it could be responsible for the premature end to such precious lives. please think today about your problems do you have good humour and ride through them, I know i don't !  Think of my friend, the amazing woman she is, climbing mountains refusing to give up and making everyone laugh in the process.....