Next Phase

I had the ultrasound and as mentioned in my previous post, the tumour has stopped shrinking. Today I went to have chemo they told me that my oncologist had cancelled it.....I am guessing as there is no point.....it has stopped working so there is no point in putting me through the last two chemical dowsings.

So now I have to wait for the MRI results, I don't hold out any hope regarding the effectiveness of the chemo. From here on in I am trying everything but chemo, I will ask for any targetted treatments if I can have them, i will investigate Rigvir further, and try to think of how I can raise £8,000 to go to Latvia.

The problem with chemo is, as everyone knows, it destroys the healthy cells and can actually make the cancer worse in my opinion as the cancer mutates and becomes more aggressive. I have seen it happen to people I know, you think you are in the clear then bam, it's back and twice as bad cue a more intense chemo and so the cycle begins. I was lucky as a child, I believe my current cancer is an after thought post radiation in 1988. I could be wrong but 25 years post full body radiation, they say 25 years is when tumours can come as a result of the radiation treatment and that was back in the dark ages of radiotherapy in the 80's when doses were probably alot higher, now it is more targetted and less aggresive.

I  need to really get on top of keeping my body as alkaline as possible too, which will involve bicarb of soda and MSM. Cancer cannot thrive in an alkaline environment. Anyway I must go and phone my macmillan nurse and find out if i have an appointment for the MRI results. I am so tired, I just hope my energy starts returning and the tiredness is just a chemo side effect and not the cancer. I am trying to stay positive and have hope in the alternative strategies and surgery. Chores beckon me now, and reluctantly i must follow that calling. 

Keep on going.....(Hope in the green stuff).

Hi it wasn't my last chemo.......I cant count.....or remember..... not overly useful with shops or credit cards.......  So today i had my third to last, which again knocked me out abit due to the heat i think. I also had an ultrasound scan on my breast, i asked if he could scan my right breast too, just to be sure. Kindly he swept over the whole chest area for me to put my mind at rest but....he took a photo of something on the right side, he just said 'just taking a quick photo' .....thanks Mr Scan man like that doesn't worry me!!

Anyway, the cancer hasn't changed.....I was abit disheartened, it has stayed the same after all the fasting and turmeric and alsorts along with chemo although it had shrunk with the first round, you see as soon as the doctor said my hair is growing back because my body it getting used to it, alarm bells went off in my head ' perhaps the cancer is getting used to it too' I pondered....the little blighter is still there, it dawned on me tonight tough I hadn't been using as much frankinsence oil with Cellfoods oxygen cream....

.(why don't I just shut up) I hear you cry....perhaps i should. Have I seriously fallen into the 'woo woo' trap or would it have been worse? needless to say after that I went to smiths in the hospital and stuffed my face with loads of 'graze' snacks, sod the fasting I then bumped into a uni friend and her daughter so i drowned my sorrows in a vat of decaf latte at costa with them (sod the green tea). We are meeting up next week for lunch, she reckons she is going to make me a greek salad, but I am dragging her up the pub :)

So what now? i am hoping for an op on my liver and they may do breast now i am guessing. Then they will try and keep me in remission, if I get there, with a load of drugs of some description.

Latvia is getting closer, chemo is so awful, it damages the healthy cells while the blinkin' cancer sucks it up and evolves. So my mind is gravitating on going abroad where chemo is a thing of the past and targeted therapies are commonplace in europe...lets hope they don't kick me out onto the brexit train ....... My mum even said she would make it a reality, but I would rather crowdfund myself if i could, or try and raise the money. My mother has enough to deal with without me bleeding her dry.

I actually went to a traditional fortune teller on Hastings Pier who said, 'You must accept an opportunity to go abroad' (before he knew my diagnosis). You know me 'woo woo' is my middle name.....

In other news i have located a good source of CBD oil the company are being great to me and will hopefully keep me in regular supply. I have been reading so much about the positive effects of this, I have even spoken to a 65 year old lady in scotland directly who has it and she told me while she was off chem she took it and the next MRI showed shrinkage of the tumour. She was nothing to do with the company and someone i met. If you or anyone you know has cancer i would highly reccommend the CBD Brothers. https://cbdbrothers.com/  the oil really is of very good quality compared to some of the online rip offs you see, just looking at the capsules and smelling them it is clear it is not fake. I have to add the oil is perfectly legal in this country and imported from holland hence the quality. The company recently got a government licence to grow in this country too.

Finally My lovely girl is away with her father for a while and I am off to a festival!!!! I am so excited! going with my beautiful trailer and a rather annoying awning that is a nightmare to put up as a single person, I am hoping for helping hands, i am sure they will be a plenty it sounds that kind of place.

I will whirl like a dervish while i am there, clutching my oil and looking to the universe to give me some luck, positive energy, healing, whatever positive outcome it can organise for me and my family.

Last One

Today is the day........last Chemo, 18th dose of Paclitaxol, I feel abit numb. I thought I would be elated but recent experiences have dampened my enthusiasm and elation. I am sure I can dig out some champagne imbibing joy from somewhere. My final scan is on the 25th of August. I am off for another trip tomorrow post chemo. For a few days and then down to Devon. I send love and thanks to all of those who have supported me, I know I can be a drama queen which can be annoying but I genuinely thank those human beings who stick with me and ride through the annoyances, the true friends that know me and let the other stuff slide. Thank you x a million times thank you from the bottom of my heart x 

It's unfair

This post begins at the top of a cliff, lower coastguards cottages, Fairlight. The mist has enveloped the views, the roads the sea, mist has spread it's damp elongated fingers across Sussex,  drawing a veil over the wind swept coastal world. I have come for a holiday with my family, having just been to another Breast Cancer Support meeting. The last one I attended was in May. I met a great lady then, intelligent funny and with the same diagnosis as me. On the same drug, lived near me had same consultant, a few years ahead of me but we chatted away. We also do ear accupuncture together, she always looks so great and well dressed. Last time I saw her was 3 weeks ago. She walked into the meeting today and I hardly recognised her. She could barely walk, she used a walking stick and her face had drooped onseside, One of her eyes was barely open. There were no brightly coloured dresses, no make up, to say it was a shock is a massive understatement. I couldn't take my eyes off of her despite trying, I hope she didn't feel I was staring.

She was the first one on the group to have the onus of  'Where I am now'.... which opens our sessions together it was plain we all wanted to know what had happened to her in such a short space of time, in good humour she let the story of her not being able to put her lipstick on flow, getting her and her husband lost while they were on holiday because she couldn't read maps, little signs that something was not right. She believed she had Bells Palsy or the beginning of it and as she explained how the onc opened their meeting post brain scan her voice started to waiver and the humour left the conversation. Her cancer had spread to the meninges, the tissue that covers the brain and spinal cord. She had literally gone from fine to this in the space of a few weeks. the doctor had given her weeks to live. the humour returned as with a wry smile she said 'i don't know how many weeks ago that was now' . she told us how she had done an orienteering walk in the lakes post diagnosis she said it took all the effort she had to put one foot in front of the other with the help of her daughters and husband but she did it, she kept on going, climbing hills, walking miles she made herself do it, and her family helped her. she told us, she wasn't scared, or afraid of dying, just of the not knowing when it would come.

I sat in this meeting looking at all of these amazing women and the ability to laugh in the face of such adversity, the strength that each and every one of them had. The ability to keep families together and keep on doing, and living as hard as they could. We spoke about bucket lists. What was on each others bucket lists, what did we want to do with ourselves. I am probably not supposed to talk about this in a blog as it is a private space for us, but I think people should know how brave these ladies are, how strong and powerful they are and they keep going and not fall to pieces, to keep humour and honesty alive. I want to visit my friend in the hospice and spend time with her I know it won't be maudlin, I want to help to do something. It is just so unfair, very very unfair, such wonderful inspiring women struck down by this cruel disease. The double edged sword of monthly meetings brings sadness as well as hope. So many peoples lives extinguished by their own mutated cells. What causes this mutations? Well I bet your bottom dollar there are some chemical reasons on this planet the harm we do to our environment the food that we eat....all of it could be responsible for the premature end to such precious lives. please think today about your problems do you have good humour and ride through them, I know i don't !  Think of my friend, the amazing woman she is, climbing mountains refusing to give up and making everyone laugh in the process.....