https://youtu.be/3oiOMN2NVVM

So more happy, positive vibe channeling gathering strength from nice people and the thought of all the little trips we have lined up in the van of adventure. When we stayed at Bedgebury campsite Poppy didn't want to leave it wasn't too busy, had loads of bushcraft at reasonable prices, had children to play with, and a little shop that sold giant bubble mixture, tattoos, and the ABSOLOUTE CAMPING STAPLE of marshmallows.

I know that we are going to stay in some lovely places this year, and this is where I am firmly placing my head from now on. I am keeping to my ketogenic diet as much I possible (except weekends....weekend is naughty time....the empty pots of Haagen Daz salted caramel will vouch for that) . I have however managed to find a coffee alternative that just tastes like weak coffee it is called 'Orzo' the fact that it is 'Italys' favourite alternative coffee was enough for me, it is toasted barley, it's not bad but I would reccommend stewing it as it is quite weak. (says the expresso drinking queen).

I am meeting a friend I havent seen in a while in canterbury, I love Canterbury, the restaurants are fabulous and I live the 'grown up' uni vibe there, abit like Brighton in that sense. I want to see the people I love over the summer, it is so damn tricky to fit everything in! summer holidays I am sure have some weird unexplained scientific time shift into supersonic mode...it goes too fast and I cant seem to fit everything in! 

Had chemo today, out like a light, blissfully letting my head swim amongst the itunes meditations, dipping in and out of consciousness while the antihistamine switches me off. I had ear accupuncture yesterday in maidstone with the lovely fellow secondary breasties. Again off to my meditation land, ear accupuncture is said to help hot flushes and menopause symptoms, as well as lots of other symptoms. I am also going for reflexology at the Pickers Friday. The people where I live are amazing the local preschool had a fete and raised £800 for the Pickers and a lady in the village is holding an event too to raise money for the miracle working place. Pickers deserve every single penny raised for what they do to make such frightening diagnosis and prognosis so much more bearable. Contact me if you want to attend a fantastic tea party with Fizz to raise money for the Pickering Cancer Centre in Tunbridge Wells and good cause and a fun event with lots of delicious pofessionally made cakes too!! so comment if you are interested, It is being held in a manor house with beautiful gardens.

Happy place is here as is summer so come on let's enjoy.  Love where you live I sure do....'ooh look, another sunset over summer fields while the stream meanders at the end of my garden' perhaps hammock time again to imbibe that vibe of gloriousness.

Fed Up

I have had enough. It's crazy, having read other blogs relating to cancer I felt there was a theme, a time frame, when the depression set in and the 'fed up' just oozed out like a 1950's horror movie, blobbing, and flowing a black glossy mass of feeeeeeed uuuuuupness. I feel I am there and that time has come.

It's been going on a while now, this new reality or new 'normal' I have met it  after the initial shock as anyone would, but I am bored now I  go every week through the same routine blood tests, chemo school run, blood tests, chemo school runs....and so it goes on, I want my hair back, I want my life back, I want, I want I want (what is wrong with this attitude?).....

My daughter has Autism, she is on the autistic spectrum, ASD, aspergers, whatever you want to call it. it is amazing how people get funny when you try and put it out there like you are a bad parent for drawing attention to it, like it is something that should be just 'accepted' by society, IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY. It's not about labelling it is about providing care instructions, giving the child coping strategies, to be aware of their own struggles in an  environment within which my child can progress for the future and have support in secondary education when teenage mental illness is linked to failings to recognize the needs of autistic children in primary years particularly in girls, who can be more emotionally vulnerable in this transitional time and who can, as most ASD children can suffer from low self esteem as the innocent primary years make way for teenage anxt and competitive friendships and peer pressure.




I want to run away.......far far from here, where unicorns gallop and fly, and rainbows lead the way to a happy adventure, where my daughter and I don't have to fight, cliche as it sounds but that is all i seem to do, or have to do, it is a MASSIVE cliche, fighting, battling, school, ex.....although my ex is a decent sort and it is very amicable I am very lucky, anger and the bitterness of holding on to the past is never a good thing, as a buddhist quotation suggests holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal in your hand with the intent of throwing it at someone else, the only person you are hurting is yourself.....I need to remember this as right now I am looking at the head teacher of my daughters school and my hand has disappeared as the coals burn their way up my arm......I am monumentally fed up.

Stupid bloody 'new' normal, I didn't ask for a 'new' normal, I was quite happy with the 'old' normal....can someone rescue me please, so I can have a night off of fixing a broken sink as well as myself and my daughter.

Please? Are you there in you shining armour? ........or is that un pc.....