In other news, I had my oncology appointment today post MRI and Ultrasound, as I think I had mentioned in a previous post, the initial disco dancing regarding no evidence of disease i felt perhaps may have been presumptuous given that the liver biopsy indicated one lesion measuring 10cm which would'nt have shown up on a CT scan as it is different imaging to the Ultrasound used in the biopsy. I requested an ultrasound through the Onc's secretary and explained why and a very thorough MRI was carried out. As expected, the onc explained that the lesions were still there but had responded to chemo( good job I sent email or I could be celebrating no evidence for the next few months/years!!), she didn't give me precise sizes she said thay had reduced in size. Upon my request she had also checked regarding the Radio frequency Abalation as they know I am not chemo's biggest fan and any targeted treatment to me is a better option. She explained that the lesions are right next to a main artery to the liver and another *important* exit . Just my luck, i remember the very talented (and extremely good looking) surgeon in the biopsy reeeeeeeally not wanting to do the biopsy because of this and the risk of damaging other organs as they are also near the gallbladder. So the final culmination of the meeting led to the agreement that due to me being halfway through chemo i am to continue and hope for further shrinkage if the one near the artery disappears they may look again at frying (do you want bacon with that?) eeeewwwwww.....
I feel abit numb, abit deflated, abit sad, abit sentimental, abit like this is now real and my new normality and the novelty has very much worn off. I am also very grateful that the chemo is actually working and really i should focus on that. As a child I was in remission after the first round of chemo, i guess I was holding out for a similar situation sub conciously . Also the chemo is really doing it's worst now I am finding it hard to do as much as I was doing last month, the onc told me to expect this to get worse.....this is like a red rag to a bull so I am implementing chi gong as of tomorrow...and more protein energy balls...raaaaaaa chemo why you little grrrrrrrr. I also have the beginnings of neuropathy in my toes and one of my fingers, they are going numb but I guess I need to crawl to the finish line ....in another 3 months......
I stupidly watched 'Holby City' tonight, tears streaming, the storyline re Arthur has been sad (and has a lot of artistic licence) but it was abit well, close to home, my mum won't watch it, I also watched 'Cancer and me' documentary and depressed myself even further.
After Onc appointment, I got home and found a message from a support group asking me along for a girls night out....I sent them a big fat 'YES' I need a night out, i need to dress up and get out out!! I am keeping my eyes open for local festivals to take 'Myrtle' too and fun things for Poppy and I to do with her I would love to do a survival skills course with Poppy or bushcraft or something I reckon she would be good at that.
So I am off to bed, today the steroids were given at 4pm roughly and i will struggle to sleep....looks like a nightcap of valium tonight then *Soft music plays -'why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near' little glittery sparkles surround my head *aaaaaah ahah ahhhhhhh close to you* aaaaaand relax........
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